What makes white people think they're kings of the world?

"White people got no reason, white people got no reason, white people got no reason to live ..."
-- Apologies to RANDY NEWMAN

Where did white people ever get the idea that they were at the top of the evolutionary food chain?

They weren't the first humans. By most accounts, Adam and Eve lived somewhere in Africa -- and they were not Afrikaans.

They weren't part of the first true civilizations. Most of them were somewhere around what we now call the Middle East.

They weren't the guiding forces behind any of the world's great religions. Abraham, Moses, Jesus, Mohammad and Gautama Buddha and the others were either Semitic or Asian, although I suppose Mary Baker Eddy (Christian Science) and Joseph Smith (Mormons) were both white people.

No, for the most part white people either built on the knowledge of others or stole from them. Maybe that's why white people are most overwrought and insecure people in the world.

Only a white man would respond to Black History Month by asking why there wasn't a white history month.

Only a white man would come up with a long list of derogatory names to demean and ridicule every other type of person in the world.

Only a white man (Circa 1950s) would hear songs by Ray Charles or Little Richard and think, "What would really make those songs rock is to have someone like Pat Boone singing them."

One of the most popular shows of the early '60s was "Sing Along With Mitch," which to its credit had a black cast member, Leslie Uggams, despite complaints from Southern affiliates. Still, "Sing Along" was nearly as white as "The Lawrence Welk Show."

"Don't want no white people ..."

I have never heard anyone African-American, Asian or Latino trying to stir up crowds by blathering about defending the future of a race, although Charles Lindbergh in the '30s and '40s and Pat Buchanan in present day both speak -- Pat more subtly than Chuck -- about defending the white race.

Pat Buchanan, white knight

Buchanan has written books about why we should not have gone to war with Adolf Hitler, which brings out another problem of his.

He doesn't seem to be able to stay on point with the race thing. He keeps dragging anti-Semitism into it.

His main claim to fame was his 1992 speech at the Republican National Convention, a speech that just as easily could have been delivered at Nuremberg.

"Don't want no white people ..."

You'll hear plenty of white people say theirs is the best race on Earth. In the antebellum days, they used the Bible to justify slavery by telling how Noah's son gazed on his drunken, naked father without averting his eyes and God punished black people for that.

They always forget one thing, though. I'm pretty sure no one was never going to mistake Noah for Martin Mull.

I just don't get it.

If you look in any school these days, you'll see that white people can't compare with Asians when it comes to smarts.

If rumors are true, white people come up a little short by comparison to black people when it comes to physical attributes.

They have a hard time comparing to Native Americans when it comes to spirituality.

I could say they have a harder time out in the sun than Latinos, but how would that explain George Hamilton or John Boehner?

Actually, white people used to kick butt. People like Isaac Newton, Copernicus, King Arthur, Napoleon, George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were all white, although King Arthur may have been a fictional character.

Mary Poppins was white and so was Ted Williams.

But instead of Mary Poppins we now have Miley Cyrus, and instead of Ted Williams we have Mitt Romney.

It's a losing battle, and I'm afraid white people are going to find they should have been nice to other people when they were on the way up. As a white person once said, payback is a bitch.

"Don't want no white people 'round here."