Someday I am going to do something difficult and not be scared to try

I wrote recently about all the times in my life I had neglected to do something because of fear, whether I realized it or not.

At 65, I have no idea if there will come times in what's left of my life to make brave choices, but I want to take advantage of those that do come. With my wife's illness, the next few years will be devoted to her. But if there does come a time when I am responsible only for myself, I want to do something that will take me in the right direction toward a good feeling about myself.

PCT in Washington state.

I want to do a months-long hike -- alone.

I read Bill Bryson's wonderful book about hiking the Appalachian Trail, which is the easiest of the three main American hiking trails. Next would be the Continental Divide Trail, which goes mostly through the Rockies, and last would be the Pacific Crest Trail.

The PCT is the biggest and longest, going through the Sierras and the Cascades, all the way north to Canada.

Nine years ago, my son Virgile hiked a good chunk of it, although his effort was cut short by an injury to one of the people hiking with him.

The one time I tried anything like it was hardly a big success. About 10 years ago, Virgile, Nicole and I did a Fourth of July weekend hike to Kearsarge Pass in the Sierras. The climb was to 11,700 feet, and I was not really in shape for it. I weighed about 230 pounds and the only way I made it was for Virgile to carry my pack -- and his -- for at least a third of the hike.

But I saw a lot of what it would take to do it, and if I can get back into the shape I achieved in 2010 -- 168 pounds and walking at least 6-7 miles a day -- I think I could give it a try.

I read Cheryl Strayed's book about her hike on the PCT and I have been watching the movie about it, "Wild" with Reese Witherspoon.

While watching the movie, one thing went through my mind:

"I could do that."

Within seconds of that thought, another one followed:

From the movie "Wild"

"Oh, that wouldn't be safe."

You cannot imagine how angry I was at that second thought.

Well, realistically, if I were ever to be completely free of responsibilities so that I could try something like that, I would probably be 70 years old.

Or older.

I don't know where we go from here when our lives end, whether it's on to an afterlife or maybe just another life like this one. But whichever it is, I think I have to look at it this way. I started strong when I was a little kid, but then found myself off the highway in the ditch for a lot of years that contained both good and bad.

One thing I could do in this lifetime at least is to finish strong. I wouldn't mind if my epitaph for this life was for two people who knew me to say something this:

"Damn, that old bastard hiked 500 miles."

Or more.

"I never thought he had it in him."

I may not do it, but if I don't, it's not going to be because I'm scared to do it.