The Lampoon knew no boundaries. They had 8-year-old Drew Barrymore calling "E.T." director Steven Spielberg "a lousy lay" and President Nixon playing gay games on his friend Bebe Rebozo's boat.
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| Margaret Rutherford |
Once I learned what that was, I decided that a colostomy bag had to be one of the worst indignities of old age.
That was nearly 50 years ago, and until the last 11 days, I had never really heard anything more about colostomies.
It began on a Friday, when right around lunchtime, my wife Nicole developed an excruciating pain in her midsection.
She said her pain was a 10 on the scale of 0-10, even though I've always said 10 should be reserved for being on fire or being eaten by wild animals. We called 911 and the paramedics took her to the hospital.
At the ER, they did a CT scan and diagnosed colitis. They decided to do exploratory surgery, because one possibility was that her small intestine had been corrupted. If that was the case, she would die.
Nicole was in surgery for 4 1/2 hours, and while it wasn't the worst diagnosis, there was plenty that was seriously wrong. She had a perforated large colon, and there was massive infection all through her abdomen. The doctor removed 20 centimeters of her large bowel, but it will be at least 3-6 months before the two remaining parts can be connected.
That leaves her with a colostomy, and today I was taught how to take care of it for her.The diagram on the left is of a man, but it mirrors my wife's injury. The stoma, the exposed part, is actually the end of the upper part of the bowel.
The healing will be a long process. She has an open wound that's about eight inches long and more than an inch wide in places. It will take weeks to heal. But the good news is that she will heal, and starting tomorrow, she will do it at home.
Interestingly enough, she comes home on her birthday.
Having her home is a great present -- for me.
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